my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
