It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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