I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
