I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
