So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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