how hairy? two words: wookie tits
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
