Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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