I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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