either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
