just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
