spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
