Pappa wants mamma naked
ugly people sure do ruin things
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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