so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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