Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
