I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
