i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize