i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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