My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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