im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
