..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
