well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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