Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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