you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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