Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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