Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
