No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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