i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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