Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
