I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
