I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
