you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
