i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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