Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
