and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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