I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
