I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
