your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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