i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
how does that bad decision feel?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
