i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
