And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
