I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
