The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
