dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
