his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Four minutes until I can fart!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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