Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize