just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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