Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
