Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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