I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
