Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
