the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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