i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
