i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
