he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
