I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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