bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
