Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
