Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
