i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
