That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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