Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
