Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
