I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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