I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
