A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize