I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
