i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
