dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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