No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
