Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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