I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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