he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We have started to decorate penises.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
